


Shield & sword

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-27
Updated: 2011-07-16
Packaged: 2018-09-03 07:29:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8703172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: Jared and Jensen are living in two different worlds. Jared is the hot guy with the cool cars and Jensen is the shy boy with his secrets. What happens when the two worlds collide? Will there be a happy end?  ( Story co-written by ImpalaBabe )





	1. Nice to get to know you

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** So, this story is unbetad. I hope you like it and if you find any wrong words, cause english is not my mother language, please let me know and I will correct them. The story`s banner is made by Superbunny ! Thanks babe!! Feedback is always loved!^^

"When do we start the next race?" Chad asked his friends who sat with him.

"First I need to fix my baby cause a special someone messed up its whole side!" Chris said and looked over at Tom who rolled his eyes at him. "I told you once and I hate to repeat myself, Chris, but for you I will...I will pay for the damage!"

"What do you think Big J?" Chad asked his best friend.

Jared Padalecki sat in silence in the middle of his friends and watched over the school campus of L.A. College. He didnt`t answered to Chads question though.

Chad flicked with his fingers before Jareds eyes and that brought him a deadly glance.

"Hey what do you look at?" Chad asked and tried to follow Jays look. He saw a young boy, very pretty and well build but...

"Jay.. forget it!" Chad said and tried to make Jared look away. It didn`t worked.

"Who is he?" Jared asked while he gave his whole attention to the young man who sat alone at one of the many wooden tables and studied his books.

"Don`t tell me you dont know him, Jay! You meet his father from time to time!" Chad laughed and got a little punch from Tom.

"That`s Jensen Ackles, the principals son!" Tom explained.

Jareds eyes went wide.

"Well well...that`s interesting!"

"Jay..stop it! He`s no good for you. Jensen Ackles means trouble, he is a nerd and boring is his second name! He just thinks about his books, that`s all!" Chad stood up and lightned a cigarrette.

"How can he be trouble when he is boring?" Chris asked and Chad simply gave him a deadly look.

"Maybe you should use your books once in a while. Ever thought about that?" Jared hissed and shoved his sunglasses from his nose ontop of his head where it disappeard into thick strands of his longish hair.

Everybody laughed.Except Chad.

"Jay you are the only person I know who is not even a student at this college and yet would get ordered to our principal. Four times!" he tried to counterattack.

"Yeah but you ARE a student here and you got suspended! Four times!" Jay simply said and stood up.

With his 6´4" he was nearly one head larger than his friends.He was a giant, like they called him. And he liked it.

A few of his strands fell in front of his hazel eyes and his brawny body showed itself underneath his tight black shirt.

"I will check him out!" he said more to himself and went across the campus.

"Jay! Wait!" Chad yelled after him but Jared simply ignored him.

"Come on Murray.. we have classes now!" Tom grabbed him by his shoulder but Chad broke away and went to left the campus.

Chris looked bugged at Tom and the two of them went into the school building.

 

Jared was nearly at his goal. How could he not have notice..what was his name again ..Jensen..right..how could he not have Jensen noticed before?He was nearly everyday at the campus and knew a lot of people around.

He went to Jensens table and stood in front of it.Jensen didn`t seem to recordnize him either so Jareds eyes flew over the books that lay open on the table. Medicine...

 

Jensen was engrossed in his thoughts about the human brain as he suddenly heard a deep voice above him.

"Isn`t that very complicated stuff?" 

Jensen looked up and what he saw took his breath away. He looked at the freakish long legs, up to the perfect shaped body and the most striking, male face he had ever seen. The strangers hazel eyes simply burned trough to his soul. A few strands of middle blond hair fell into his face while he smiled. Jensen stared.

"Hi! Name`s Jared!" Jay said and sat down in front of the beautiful boy with the fantastic unbelievable green eyes.

Jensen blushed.

Was that one of the schools bullies who found out that he was gay and wanted to have some sort of sick fun with him? , Jensen thought and quickly looked down. 

He started to pack his books into his backpack, one fell from the table and landed on the ground. Jared bend down and gave it to Jensen. "Here" he simply said. Jensen stared for a moment at the large hand which hold his book, then he simply snatched it from Jared and hurried to stand up. He didn`t said a word and simply ran into the school building.

"Nice to get to know you!" Jared called after him and started to smile.

Jensen was sexy.And pretty. Maybe his shyness made him even more hot!And this green eyes, they reminded Jared of a deep forest. He was sure he would think a lot of the emeralds.

 

Jensen ran as fast as he could through the corridors of the school.

He needed to be alone.

Jensen opened one of the boys restrooms and shut the door behind him.His backpack flew across the floor and his breath was shallowed as he stood in front of one of the mirrows. He supported hisself against the sink.

"Can`t be true..can`t be happening.. " he whispered as he looked horrorfied at his reflection in the mirrow.

How could it be that this guy he never noticed before, Jared, would appear and he would go all butterflies again?

Didn`t he learn from Misha?

Jensens eyes watered as he remembered.

He opened the faucet and splashed some cold water into his face .

He would have loved to simply take his stuff and ran away to hide from the world.But that was simply impossible. Why in all world does his father had to be the schools principal?

Jensen tried to relax ,breathed deeply and then he grabbed his backpack ,left the restroom and went to his classes.


	2. Why did you do this to me

  
Author's notes: So..here we are again and this time beloved readers this chapter is betad!!! Thanks so much to the great deanzchevygirl for helping us out!! You are awsome!!  
Feedback is always loved..it makes our day!!  


* * *

“Jeff, I’m home!” Jared said as he entered the front door of the little house. 

 

“Good! Sit down, the food is ready!” Jeff stood in the little kitchen and looked into one of the saucepans.

 

“Smells good. What is it?” Jared asked curiously and sat down at the table which was already set.

 

“Spaghetti Bolognese,” was Jeff’s answer.

 

“Cool!”

 

“ Where were you this morning? Lindsay called and asked if we would drive tomorrow,” Jeff sat the saucepan down in front of Jared.

 

“ I was with my boys.”

 

“ Jay!” Jeff sat down on a chair and rolled his eyes at Jared while he filled his plate with some of the noodles.

 

“What?” Jared asked.

 

“ Why in gods name are you still hanging around that school? You dropped your classes. So why are you still hanging out there?” Sometimes Jeffrey just couldn’t understand his nephew.

 

“ Because they’re my friends” Jared answered and shoved a large fork full of food into his mouth.

Jeff sighed and started eating.

 

“So,” Jared said “Are we driving tomorrow?” He looked curiously at his uncle. 

 

“Got your baby ready?” Jeff asked back with spaghetti in his mouth.

 

“Ready as she could be,” Jay smiled.

 

“So what should stop us?” Jeffrey grinned.

 

//

 

“Mom? Dad?”

 

Jensen entered the huge house and put down his jacket and backpack.

No one answered.

 

It was nothing new to the young boy. Every time he got home no one was there to answer him, except sometimes the housekeeper. She was the one answering now.

“ Jensen, Sir, there you are. What may I make you for lunch?” Mrs. Harris asked.

 

“I`m not hungry, Danneel. Thank you!” Jensen said and went into his bedroom on the first floor.

 

Since the incident this morning; since the moment he saw the giant he couldn’t channel his thoughts in the right direction.

 

Misha.

 

Jensen sat down on his bed and turned on the radio.

Music calmed him down, distracted him.

What had the giant said? What was his name again?

 

Jared.

 

Jensen remembered how suddenly Jared had stood in front of him.

Really a giant. How large was he? Freaking huge, that was for sure!

 

Jensen had to grin at that thought and lay down on his back.

 

Misha.

 

“Why did you do this to me?” he whispered as hot tears streamed down his face.

 

He could see Misha’s face; his lovely eyes.

He could feel his warmth.

But the good memories faded almost immediately and the bad ones came alive.

 

Again there was the pain.

The unbelievable pain that seemed to never stop.

Jensen hid his face in his hands.

This time he wouldn’t do it.

 

Not this time.

 

 

//

 

“So,” Chad said as he and Jared met at campus the next morning. “Did you check out young Ackles?”

 

Jared sat relaxed underneath one of the big trees with closed eyes and tried to tan his skin a bit. “Yes.”

 

“And?” Chad asked and waited for an exact answer. This whole story bugged him.

 

“And what?”

 

“Was I right?”

 

Jared opened his eyes and looked at his friend. 

“Nope.”

 

“Nope?? What do you mean with nope?? Jesus, Jay, talk to me or I will freak out!” Chad drove his hands through his short hair. 

 

“Nope, you were not right.” Jared grinned at his best friend.

 

“And what exactly does that mean??” Chad was curious. But Jared just kept on smiling. 

 

“Did you fuck him or what?” Chad now grinned back.

 

Jared looked at him with wide eyes. 

“You can be such an asshole Chad!” he hissed.

 

Both of them just sat there for a few moments. Chad looked away from Jared, no one spoke a word.

Chad was the first to break the silence. 

“So… did you…fuck him?” he asked again but this time a little more human.

 

“Dude... just shut the fuck up!” Jared laughed and reclosed his eyes to enjoy the sun again.

 

“Wait… I can’t believe it...Are you saying he turned down you sorry ass?” Chad suddenly blurted out in laughter and Jared joined him. “You can say he ignored me!”

 

“I just don’t get it... Whatever. Just stay away from him, okay Big J? Jensen Ackles means nothing but trouble, believe me.” Chad lit his cigarette.

 

“What makes you so sure of that?” Jay asked irritated. 

“I just know it,” Chad answered and smoked on.

 

//

 

“Hey! Wait a second!” Jensen heard a deep voice behind him.

 

Irritated he turned around just to stare at the giant’s hazel eyes again.

Jensen just wanted to go into his classroom; he already was late.

 

Jared walked up to him and Jensen turned around just to be sure that Jared really meant him and nobody else. 

 

“Hey Jensen,” Jay smiled at him.

 

“What do you want?” Jensen hissed.

Couldn’t he just have one day of freedom? Did he really have to see this damn sexy giant every day now? Jensen got angry. 

 

“I wanted to apologize for yesterday…” Jay started to say but Jensen cut him out. 

“Listen giant…uh Jared. I don’t know what you want and I don’t know why you are doing this. I don’t even know you and I would be very grateful if you would just leave me alone!” With those words Jensen turned around and walked into the school.

 

He did not wanted Jared near him. His heart already was broken. He was broken. And he didn’t want a repeat of that!

 

Jared just stood there for a few seconds, not knowing what just happened. Had he been unkind?

Most guys he spoke to couldn’t wait to get into his bed and this boy, Jensen. He didn’t even want to talk to him?

Jared looked at his watch. He still had an hour. Enough time to make things right…

 

“Jensen!”

Jensen stood still like he’d been hit by lightening. “Cant be true,” he whispered to himself and turned around just to see Jared standing behind him again.

 

“What do you want Jared?” Jensen asked angrily.

 

“Talk to you,” Jay answered honestly.

 

Jensen was difficult but Jared had never been more fascinated by anything like the young boy’s emerald eyes.

 

“But I don’t want to talk to YOU! I`m running late! I have to go to my class and you should do that too!” Jensen snapped at him.

 

“I have enough time. I’m not student here anymore!” Jared grinned and Jensen was almost blinded by his 1 million watt smile.

He loved this smile immediately, he adored it, and that made Jensen even angrier. He couldn’t let that happen.

 

“Then you have to go because you are not even allowed to be in this building!” Jensen snarled at Jared who just sighed.

 

“You know Jensen my friends already warned me that you were one hell of a prick kid. But I don’t think that that’s true. So I would like to get to know you better so I can forge my own opinion on that!”

 

Jensen couldn’t believe his ears he just had to laugh about that accusation. 

“I don’t know what you hope that will bring you. I don’t give a damn about what you or your friends think about me. You don’t know me and I would prefer it if it stays that way! Just leave me alone Jared!”

With those words an angry Jensen hurried into his classroom.


	3. Truth to be told

  
Author's notes: Thanks again to our beautiful beta!! It took a little longer but we still hope you like it! Have fun and please leave a review and tell us what you think!  


* * *

“Why did you do this to me?” Jensen sobbed into his pillow. “And why did he have to come in my life?” He made a fist and hit the mattress.

 

The damn pain just wouldn’t stop. It was always there , but since Jared had entered his life it had all gotten so real, so painful he could hardly stand it.

 

“I can’t make it alone. I can’t make it without you!” he cried as he began to scratch at his wrists. “Please come back. Come back to me Misha. I need you so much!” he begged although he knew no one would hear him. He repeated that sentences like a mantra over and over again until he fell into a restless sleep.

 

A loud knocking woke him and he jumped at the sound. 

“Jensen?” a dark voice said “Open the door!”

 

Jensen turned around and looked at the closed door. That was when he realized that his blanket was wet. Irritated he looked at the once white sheets. There was red; everywhere were little sprinkles of deep red blood. They made a nice picture, Jensen thought as began to feel the hot biting pain that came from his wrists. He looked down in shock and cursed. 

“Son of a bitch!”

 

He hadn’t wanted to do it; he didn’t even know how the thick padded scar turned into a bloody mess. 

 

“Jensen Ross Ackles! I know you are in there! Dad wants to talk to you. Open up, NOW!” his brother’s voice said. 

“But I don’t want to Josh!” Jensen said with an almost calm voice. 

“Come on Jen, let me in!”

 

“No!”

 

“If you don’t open this door I will kick it down, Jen. I did it before and I’ll do it again!”

 

“Damn” Jensen whispered as he stood up and went to the door to turn the key in the lock and open it a bit. 

“What do you want Josh?” he asked his brother who was eyeing him warily. 

“Dad wants to talk to you!”

 

“But I don’t want to talk to him!”

 

Josh’s eyebrows rose which meant he was really surprised. Something was off with his little brother. He saw Jensen’s red nose and then he saw that he had been crying. 

 

“Let me in Jensen!” he said serious. 

 

“No” Jensen answered and gripped the door tighter.

 

But that didn’t stop Josh. He threw himself at it and forced the door open. Jensen stumbled back while Josh entered the room. 

 

“Holy shit Jen!” Josh whispered as he saw all the blood on the bed. “What did you do?” He looked at his little brother who tried to hide his hands behind his back. With one big step Josh was in front of Jensen and pulled at his arms. His eyes widened in shock as looked at the reopened scars. 

 

“Jensen! Oh my god! Why?” he stuttered as horrible images returned to his mind. 

 

“I…I didn’t do it on purpose Josh…Believe me. It was an accident!” Jensen whispered. 

 

“An accident Jen? An accident? How can that be an accident? What happened? Tell me the truth! Did Murray have something to do with it?”

 

“No Josh. Nothing happened. I swear. Just please…don’t tell Dad ok?” Jensen begged as Josh removed his shirt and began using it to stop the bleeding. 

 

“I don’t know if I can do that,” he answered honestly.

 

“Please Josh. Please. You know how he is.”

 

“And that’s your fault, too! But lets get you patch up first!” Josh said angrily and pulled Jensen into the little bathroom.

 

//

 

“Hey Jeff!” Jared called from the garage. 

 

“Yeah, what is it?”

 

“Are you ready? We need to go!” Jared threw his leather jacket into the car and got in. 

 

“Yeah yeah, I’m coming!” Jeff called back as he came through the backdoor.

 

They were late and if they didn’t make it in time Lindsay would disqualify them. And that they couldn’t afford. The money from the race was needed. They had to win to pay the rent for the house for the next month.

 

“Wow, great job!” Jeff smiled as he sat down beside Jared and looked at the black Mustang.

 

“I know,” Jared grinned as he squalled the tires and drove full speed down the street in the direction of the highway.

 

//

 

“Dad you wanted to talk to me?” Jensen asked unsure as he walked down the long stairs to the living room.

 

His father sat behind his large bureau and looked over some papers. As he saw Jensen he looked over the edge of his glasses. 

 

“Yes I did,” he said seriously. “Sit down!”

 

Jensen did as he was told and played with the too long sleeves of the pullover Josh had given him hide to his wounded wrists.

 

“You ok son?” Alan asked as he sensed Jens nervousness. 

 

“I’m okay. So what do you wanted to talk about?”

 

“Son. I thought we had the hard times behind us,” Alan stood up and sat down at the edge of the desk in front of Jensen.

 

“I don’t know what you mean?” Jensen was afraid. 

 

“Oh I think you know perfectly well what I am talking about. I saw you today. You talked to that young man…Jared Padalecki. Am I right?”

 

Jensen hesitated. Oh god why did Jared have to come into his life?

 

“But I…” he whispered.

 

“AM I RIGHT???” The voice of his father roared through the room. 

.

“Yes sir.”

 

“Jensen, I thought we were through with this! You even went to therapy. Don’t you think we’ve worried enough about you? Stop being so selfish and be a men already! Get yourself a nice girlfriend. Or do we have to start again? Do you want a repeat of last time?”

 

The words of his father hit him hard. They reminded Jensen of horrible things. 

 

“No sir!”

 

“I forbid you to have any contact with Jared Padalecki! Are we clear? He means nothing but trouble!” 

 

“But Dad…I’m…” Jensen tried to say, but the fist of his father hit him right in the face. 

 

“What are you Jensen? A damn faggot?” Alan hissed.

 

Jensen touched his burning cheek. 

 

“I asked you, what are you? A bloody faggot that gets fucked in the ass? Cause that’s what you are! A shame!” Alan shouted at Jensen and his face was so close to his sons that he could feel his fathers breath on his skin. 

 

“Say it!” Alan screamed and his face got red from anger. 

 

“Yes sir!” Jensen said with tears in his eyes. 

 

“That’s not enough Jensen! I want to hear it from you. Loud and clear!”

 

“Yes sir…I am a bloody faggot who gets fucked in the ass. I am a shame.” Jensen sobbed.

 

Alan smiled satisfied.

 

“Okay faggot. Go and do your homework. And remember…no contact with Jared Padalecki!”

 

Jensen nodded and hurried to get out of the room.

 

“Where are you going?” Josh asked as Jensen ran past him. 

 

“Horse barn,” Jensen cried as he left the house.

 

He ran through the little wood and along the river until he finally reached the Ackles’ barns. This was his sanctuary; his saving anchor.

 

He loved horses. They gave him the feeling of belonging, the feeling that he was welcomed and loved, something he didn’t know from home. Not since Misha. 

 

“Hey Stardust!” he smiled softly and the brown horse started to nicker.

 

“Wanna go for a ride?” He opened one of the doors and saddled Stardust.

 

The horse nudged Jensen shoulder with its nose as if it knew what was going on. 

 

“You love me no matter what I am right?” Jensen whispered and kissed the horse’s nose.

He swung himself on Stardust’s back and enjoyed the freedom that he could have for a few hours.


	4. Chapter 4  You could have said sorry

  
Author's notes: So sorry it took us this long but real life was a bitch!! Hope you enjoy!! Thanks to my lovely beta!!  


* * *

Chapter 4 You could have said sorry

\------------------------------------

 

Jensen’s next day was very exhausting. He tried everything to get out of his fathers way and was relieved he was allowed to walk to school and not forced to ride with Alan.

It was a small thing but it made him feel indepent for a while.

 

After the math class that would never end Jensen was grateful it was lunchtime.

Like every other day, the students rushed to get into the cafeteria.. Unlike most colleges, the food was surprising good, attracting most of the students at lunch time.

They smiled and laughed; made jokes about teachers; had conversations about their classes and generally lived a good life.

Jensen was sure that when they got home mom and a dad would welcome them. They would eat dinner together while talking about their day at school. Their parents would be proud of them. They would smile and tell them they were loved.

 

Jensen didn’t go into the cafeteria; he just couldn’t stand all the smiling faces and he simply had no desire to get to know any of these kids.

 

A small part of it might have been because he was jealous of them, but mostly he just wanted to get away from them. He could from their stares that they knew something was off with him and he couldn’t stand the looks. It’s not like they cared if he was hurt or sad, he was simply fodder for the rumor mill. 

 

 

Jensen went to his locker and was packing his books away when someone barged into him and his books fell to the floor.

“Damn,” Jensen hissed and looked pissed at the guy who just laughed as he walked away.

 

‘You could have said sorry, you know?!”Jensen called after him and knelt down to gather his math books.

Something caught his eyes and made him look up along the school hall through the glass door.

His eyes went wide as he saw Jared standing outside of the schoolyard and the books Jensen held slipped out of his hands again.

 

Jared just stood there looking around in his damn tight fitting jeans and a white muscle shirt. His well-defined arms showed many bright colored tattoos and the long strands of his hair fell softly in front of his eyes.

 

For a moment, Jensen just stared open mouthed.

He felt like Jared would move in slow motion so that he could see every twinkle of Jared’s smooth skin.

Jensen looked away immediately when he realized what he was doing.

“Hopefully I didn’t drool,” he murmured sarcastically.

He hurried to get the books for his next class then closed the door of his locker and leaned against the cool metal.

Jensen couldn’t believe it but since he met Jared there were stupid butterflies in his stomach and his father’s words didn’t do anything to change that.

Maybe he should give Jared a chance?

But how could he do that when his father seemed to see inside him? Know what he was thinking? 

 

As Jensen turned around to look back at Jared someone shoved him and the force nearly knocked him off his feet.

It was Chad.

 

“Whoops,” Chad grinned and laughed as he went out the exit.

 

Jensen stared after him and his heart was beating as if it would jump right out of his chest. He was afraid. His hands started to shake and he knew he had to get away fast before the panic set in.

Right that was the one reason why he didn’t liked to be near anyone…

 

//

 

“Hey big J!” Chad shouted as he ran towards his best friend.

 

“Hey man! You ready for the race?” Jared asked and grinned while he high fived his friend.

 

“Sure! My baby is ready and waiting. How was the race with Jeff?” Chad asked as he climbed into Jared’s Mustang.

 

“He won!”

 

“What’s up with you J? You let him win?” 

 

“Now and then; he’s a pissy bitch when he looses,” Jared laughed.

 

“Cops there?”

 

“No. Not this time. Sad thing. I missed the action!” Jared answered and started the engine.

 

“How much did you make?” Chad asked curious.

 

“Five grand. It was a small race. It’s nearly enough to pay for the rent. And I need to repair my car. Tommy tailgated it!” Jared said as they left the parking lot.

 

//

 

As Jensen left the school building Chad was nowhere to be seen. That was a good thing. There was no sign of Jared either and Jensen immediately missed him somehow.

It was a good thing Jensen thought. His bad feeling just wouldn’t leave him.

He didn’t know Jared. The fact that he was hot wouldn’t change that and wasn’t nearly enough.

And if he could just forget him, Jensen would have fewer problems at home.

 

Jensen sat down under one of the trees in the schoolyard and tried to relax as the sun shone onto his skin.

Maybe he should visit Misha today. He had had the thought since that morning but the run-in with Chad nearly made him forget it.

It had been a long time since Jensen went to see Misha.

 

 

Jensen reached the small cemetery.

How long ago was his last visit? It seemed to be ages.

He sighed and searched for the little tombstone where he sat so often and cried all his pain away.

A small tree-lined road led to the place and with every step Jensen took towards Misha’s grave the pain in his chest reinforced. It was as if Jensen tried to bury it there with his friend.

As he stood in front of the tombstone, he just looked at it. No words. No tears. Yet.

Jensen looked at the beautiful flowers that lay on the grave and was happy to see that Misha’s parents had visited him.

At this cemetery, Jensen had first met Misha.

He was at a funeral for his grand aunt, who he hadn’t even known. While he stood by his mother’s side and watched the crowd of mourners, he noticed blue eyes staring at him.

Jensen had to look back and was immediately caught by those beautiful eyes.

The boy’s name was Misha and he made Jensen so unbelievable happy every time they met from then on.

 

“Misha,”Jensen whispered, “I miss you so much.”

He knelt down in front of the grave and traced the writing on the stone, his fingers caressing the words.

Memories of a horrible day began to mix in his mind.

Hands that held Misha down.

Jensen himself who was being held down by strangers.

The look on Misha’s face that showed pure fear and panic as he screamed and begged…

 

Jensen shut his eyes and finally the tears came.

“I cant stay Misha,” he cried and ran like a man possessed to the exit.

He hoped if he got away from the graveyard the memories would disappear.

It was as if Misha made him remember the bone crushing pain.

Jensen hadn’t been able to save him; he hadn’t been able to prevent what came next. Chad Murray shot Misha in the head.

 

As Jensen left the graveyard, he broke down. He cried like a child; he sobbed and screamed but nothing made it better. This time the pain didn’t stop.

 

//

 

The next day as Jensen stood at his locker, he felt miserable.

The right half of his face hurt like a bitch with every move and it reminded him of the ending of the day before.

Alan Ackles had forbid Jensen to ever visit Misha’s grave. Alan thought he had a good reason to do that. In his mind it was Misha who “turned” Jensen into a faggot. It was entirely his fault. Misha had made Jensen a sinner. And so it was Misha’s fault that now Alan had to be ashamed of his son.

 

When Jensen came home last night his father was still awake. He saw Jensen’s red rimmed eyes and asked Jensen where he had been. When his son didn’t answer he knew it without a doubt.

And Jensen had been punished.

 

“Hey!”

 

Jensen twitched as he laid his books into his locker and one fell on the floor.

Jensen bent down to pick it up but another hand was faster.

 

“Sorry I didn’t mean to scare you,” Jared said happily and picked up the book.

 

“Ok,” Jensen murmured and let his head hang.

 

Jared reached for Jensen to help him up.

 

Jensen sighed. His heart jumped from excitement. Jared just wasn’t hot and sexy he seemed to be a nice person too.

 

For a second Jensen thought about just running away. His father had shown him what he thought about faggots.

But there was something about Jared that he couldn’t resist.

He didn’t knew what it was, but he knew if he didn’t reach for the little light at the end of his tunnel that seemed to be named Jared Padalecki, then it would slowly disappear in the darkness of his soul.

 

Jensen took a deep breath and reached out for Jared’s hand.

It prickled to touch Jared’s skin and shyness made Jensen’s skin flush red.

 

“Thank you,” he smiled and looked at Jared.

 

“Fuck!” Jared stared at the blue and purple skin around Jensen’s eye and cheek “What happened to your face?”

 

Jensen jerked his hand back as if he had burned it and looked away.

 

“None of your damn business,” he growled and snatched his book from Jared.

“Sorry,” Jensen blushed, immediately embarrassed.

 

“It’s ok. You’re right. Not my business. See you around Jensen.” Jared said and left.

 

Jensen bit his lip. Was he insane? What did he do? Snapping at Jared for what exactly? He knew Jared didn’t mean to harm him but Jensen didn’t how to not shut him out.

 

“Fuck!” He cursed.

 

He wanted to get to know Jared. However, he was so withdrawn that he didn’t know how to get out.

He had to figure out for himself what he wanted.

And if he really wanted Jared then he had to get accustomed to the thought that Jared would talk and ask questions and that Jensen would have to answer.

He had to get accustomed to the thought that Jared wanted to get to know him too.

But first things first he had to get out from behind his own shadow and try to trust Jared. A bit.


	5. Take me with you

Jared had not even noticed Jeffrey had showed up in the garage and was watching him.

 

"What's wrong with you?" Jeffrey asked and Jared jumped at the sudden sound of his voice.

 

"Damn it, Jeff! You trying to give me a heart attack? "Jared slammed his fist on the bar.

 

"Hey, calm down. What’s up with you? Did something happen? "Jeffrey stepped closer to his nephew.

 

"There's this boy at Chad’s school," Jared began, but did not know whether to continue the sentence or not.

 

"Oh. Okay…"

 

"What? What does that mean…okay? "Jay asked, annoyed, and stared at Jeffrey stunned.

 

"Uh...nothing. So go ahead, spill."

 

Jared sighed.

 

"He just ignored me."

 

"And you like him?"

 

"Yes. But it makes no sense. "

 

Jeffrey laughed.

 

"What, why are you laughing?"

 

"I like this boy already."

 

"Why?"

 

"Jay, the first time a guy won’t jump in bed with you and you give up? "

 

"Um ..." Jared didn’t know what to say to that..

He was not used to getting rebuffed.

That was what had fascinated him about Jensen; he immediately shot down Jared's come-ons. It wasn’t just about sex like most of the others but now Jared had no idea what to do.

 

"If you really like him Jay, then you can’t just bury your head in the sand because he’s playing hard to get. You know, if you get his heart, you get his ass too.”

 

"Oh my God, I might puke, that was really sensitive," Jay laughed.

 

Jeffrey tapped Jared on the shoulder.

 

"I’m inside if you need me."

 

"Jeff?"

 

"Yeah?"

 

"Thanks"

 

"No problem"

 

Jeffrey left the garage and Jared was left alone.

What could he do to get Jensen Ackles?

At that moment, his phone vibrated.

He reached into his jeans pocket and took the call.

 

"Hello?"

 

"Hey Big J!" cried a cheerful voice.

 

"Chad. What's up! "

 

"I won, I have the $10,000."

 

"You won?" Jay asked, the surprise evident in his voice.

He had expected Chad would win third or fourth place, but that he would place first, in such a dangerous race, he had not expected.

He had wanted to go himself, but someone had slashed his tires and he had no time to change them, or even to get another car. So Chad had gone alone to the road race.

 

"I cracked Phil’s nuts!" Chad laughed again and Jay grinned.

 

"You know what that means? Sao Paulo, Baby! "

 

Jared shook his head, grinning.

 

"You're really out Chad? How long was that again?"

 

"A month. I've just booked the tickets. So don’t wait for me tomorrow, because my hot ass will be sitting on the plane with my cock looking forward to the pussies there.”

 

"Chad, you're disgusting!" croaked Jared, who now had the image of Chad with a woman burned into his brain ... bah, no. He did not want to picture that at all.

 

"You're just jealous because your dick not currently getting any ass.”

 

"Could we please stop talking about cocks, pussies and asses?" Jared hissed.

 

"Alright fine. I just wanted to let you know I was off. See you in a month! "

 

"Call me when you get back!"

 

Jared hung up.

He was happy for Chad and even if he was an absolute asshole most of the time, he had a good core.

A month without his best friend?

He would survive.

 

After Jared polished his bike, he decided to go to the nearest Starbucks.

He pulled his leather jacket on, grabbed his helmet and drove off.

 

 

Once there, his heart rate shot up.

In the long line was Jensen.

He looked damn good, wearing jeans and a black shirt.

 

Jared stood at the back and watched Jensen.

He seemed to be alone there, even as Jay looked around, nobody at the tables seemed to be with him.

 

Suddenly there was a guy next to Jensen.

Jared eyed him intently.

Was Jensen not alone?

 

"How about if you forget your coffee and come home with me?" The guy said and grabbed Jensen's ass.

 

Jensen tried to evade the other guy.

 

"Leave me alone."

 

The guy grabbed Jensen’s arm and pulled him out of the row.

Jensen tired to free himself from the grip, but it was like a vise.

 

"Let me go!" Jensen hissed.

 

"What you don’t like that? I saw how you were undressing me with your eyes.“

 

"I was reading the menu, you idiot!"

 

"Wow. A little bitch! Now come on, I’ll fuck your ass until you can’t see straight. "

 

Jensen stared at the guy with big frightened eyes.

 

For a moment, terrible memories crept into his head.

 

Then a voice came from behind him.

 

"Excuse me, if you don’t release him right the fuck now, I’m gonna to break your jaw!" 

 

Jensen looked into the face of the guy who was holding his arm and his eyes opened wider.

Then he turned around slowly.

He stared directly into a muscular chest.

Carefully, he looked up.

Relief spread through him as he looked at Jared's face.

 

"Thank God," murmured Jensen.

 

Jared glanced down at him and smiled, then looked back to this creep and Jensen could see Jay's jaw grind.

 

"How about if you let go of him now," he said through his teeth.

 

"Uhm ... sorry..." the guy croaked and let Jensen go instantly.

 

"You need to apologize to him, not me!" Jared gave him a withering look.

 

"Sorry...please...I'm sorry," the guy stuttered and Jensen stared in disbelief at the scene.

 

"Okay..." he said confused.

 

The guy made his escape and Jared grinned.

 

"You okay?" He asked.

 

"Yes. Now. Thank you! "

 

"I came for coffee and you look like you need one," laughed Jared as he pushed Jensen gently a bit further into the line.

 

Jensen hesitated a moment, then thanked him and accepted the invitation.

 

"So what are you gonna do after you finish school?" Jared asked Jensen after they had sat in a quiet corner of the coffee shop and broken the ice.

 

"Pediatrician," said Jensen, and took a long sip of his coffee.

 

"Really? That's great. "

 

"You're making fun of me," Jensen said shyly, staring into his black drink.

 

"No, I think that's impressive." Jared smiled.

 

It was like they had known each other for years.

Jared and Jensen talked about God and the world.

They always found a new conversation topic.

 

Jensen stared at the man in front of him again and again.

The long shaggy hair that hung in front of his eyes, the broad shoulders still covered by the leather jacket.

Jensen studied him closely.

Could he trust him?

 

Jensen couldn’t find anything about Jared not to trust.

Instead, there were so many things that were a little special.

Jared's eyes sparkled with warmth and honesty.

His lips looked irresistible soft.

 

"Are you listening to me?" Jared laughed suddenly.

 

Jensen blushed.

"Sorry, I was just somewhere else ... what did you say?"

 

"I was asking if you wanted to come to a party tomorrow night?"

 

Jensen looked at Jared.

Had he just been invited to a party?

 

"Uhm....What kind of party?" he asked uncertainly.

 

"Nothing big. Two of my friends, Chris and Tom are throwing a party in their dorm. It’ll only be a few people. Come on."

 

Jared’s smile was like magic to Jensen.

 

"I don’t know if it’s a good idea. My father would’t like it" Jensen thought aloud.

 

"So, don’t tell him. I'll have you home before he notices."

 

Jensen knew that this was his chance to find out if Jared was really as nice as it seemed.

If he stayed at home, he’d never know.

 

"Okay," he finally said, nervously, and gave Jared a weak smile.

 

Jared grinned like crazy.

"Great. I'll pick you up at nine."

 

"Bad idea. It’ll be better if I come to your house, if that's okay. I don’t think my dad would let me take a step through the door." Jensen mumbled away without hesitation.

 

"Your dad is strict, huh?"

 

"You have no idea," murmured Jensen.

 

Jared almost felt as if the temperature had dropped several degrees, when this topic came up and he didn’t want to see that strange expression on Jensen's face so he quickly changed the subject.

 

"Okay, be at my house at nine. Unless you want to go directly to the dorm? "

 

"No, no. Give me your address, I will be there "Jensen smiled.

 

Just the thought of appearing alone at the dorm, with a lot of people he didn’t know was already causing him abdominal pain.

It was better to have Jared with him.

 

"Okay. Cool. So, I gotta go. Should I drop you somewhere? "Jared asked as he took the last sip of his coffee.

 

"Uhm...no. I’ll walk. "Jensen said.

 

"You sure? Looks like bad weather is coming. You can take my helmet "

 

Jensen looked through the window at the sky; the clouds were dark and broiling. It was definitely going to storm soon.

 

"What about you? You can’t just go without a helmet! It’s way too dangerous. "

 

Jared laughed.

 

"Don’t worry about me" he said as he stood up and gave Jensen his black motorcycle helmet.

 

Jensen also stood and followed Jared out of the door.

 

"And what if the police stop you?"

 

"Then we'll have to be faster." Jay grinned and went to his bike.

 

Jensen remained undecided for a moment, still his helmet in his hand and watched as Jared jumped on his motorcycle.

 

"You coming?" Jay asked and looked at Jensen.

 

Jensen took another deep breath, smoothed his long hair from his face and put on his helmet.

 

Then he sat down behind Jay.

 

"Hold on," Jared grinned and Jensen's hands moved to his hip.

 

Jared tore off down the street, the throttle open wide. .


	6. One kiss

  
Author's notes: This chapter is unbetad again..I am sorry. And its shorter but I try to update more often now. I hope you still like it! If someone wants to beta this ,and I need a beta who is fast...please let me know.My last beta was awesome but it took too much time until the chapters were ready.Now have fun!  


* * *

The sky darkened more and more and the strange feeling that Jensen felt as he clung to Jareds hips would not disappear. It was the tension you can feel when a thunderstorm was coming.

 

Jensen was still undecided about what he felt for Jared but no matter what it was, it was good.

 

So they drove on this "infernal machine", as Jensen thought to himself, along the highway in the direction where the college was.

 

Suddenly a bolt of lightning flashed through the dark and foreboding sky, and both men looked up. 

Jensen had a firm grip on Jared's leather jacket.

 

"We should better hurry if we ..." Jared said.

But before he could speak it out, the first rain drop fell from the clouds.

 

"Bloody hell," he swore, and pressed on the gas even more.

 

Jensen enjoyed the trip despite the ever-increasing rain.

 

"Everything okay with you?" Jared shouted back.

 

"Yes," Jensen recalled, nodding. 

 

But after a few minutes, it was pouring cats and dogs and the view was not more than a few meters.

 

Jared slowed the pace.

 

"We have to stop somewhere," he shouted, and turned into a deserted country road.

 

Jensen wanted to ask where Jared went, but decided not to.

Actually, he did not care where Jared went, as long as this long-lost feeling of security would remain. 

In addition, Jared seemed to know exactly where he went.

 

He carefully maneuvered the heavy engine over the already muddy path until they came to a dilapidated little wooden hut.

 

Only now, when the machine came to a stop , Jensen was able to perceive the thunder that rolled with his rumbling over the fields.

 

Jared turned off the engine ,closed his eyes and let the rain rush over him. .

 

That was the moment were Jensen's heart nearly stopped.

 

Jared was soaked to the skin, his jeans clung to his legs and his hair hung wet on his forehead.

Big drops of rain ran down his face and Jensen could do nothing but stare at him and licking his lips as he took off his helmet, while Jareds Kawasaki parked close to the wall of the hut. 

 

Jensen hurried to find himself a small place under the roof.

 

"Here it is quite dry," he said to Jared, trying to overspeak the loud thunder.

 

Jared dismounted from his bike, put the key in his pocket, but made no attempt to flee from the wetness.

 

"I love summer rain," he said, closing his eyes again, spreading his arms and let his head fall into his neck.

 

For a moment, Jensen looked at him puzzled , then he laughed.

 

"You're crazy!"

 

But he loved it.

He loved the sight presented itself to him.

He could see how Jared's shirt stuck to his stomach muscles, as the water ran down his face and the rain drops fell onto his leather jacket.

 

Suddenly he was jerked from his thoughts, because Jared had grabbed his wrist and pulled him out into the rain. 

 

"Jay! Wait ..! "Jensen said with a loud laugh, but Jared had no mercy.

 

"Come on! It's just water, "he argued, and drew Jensen close to himself.

 

Immediately the rain penetrated Jensens clothes and put the cool wetness on his skin.

Long strands of hair pasted to his forehead.

His heart was beating faster as Jared pulled him close.

 

"Easy" Jared said and grinned at him with his hazel eyes before he closed them again and enjoyed the rain on his face.

 

Jensen hesitated a moment, then he closed his eyes too and enjoyed every single drop of rain that hit him. 

His world seemed to spin around him. 

It was as if the summer rain could wash him clean.

Clean of all the bad things that had happened to him until now.

Ready for a fresh start.

Jared Padalecki had done much more than to drive him home.

He had given him new courage.

 

Without thinking about it, Jensen let his arms slide around Jareds waist.

He needed something to hold on to while his world began to spin rapidly and he needed some sort of strength.

 

Jared's eyes jerked open and he looked into Jensen's admiring glance.

In this deep green eyes Jared was able to read every single emotion, every feeling.

So far it was all hidden behind a strong wall but now he could read like a book in Jensen.

There was deep sadness, fear and disappointment. But a spark of hope was there too.

 

Jared was captivated by this sight.

He did not know what had happened , what had put this beautiful young man in so much pain, but he knew that he wanted to change that.

He wanted to fill Jensen's eyes with love, faith and hope.

 

Suddenly their faces were getting closer, lips searching each other until they met and started to share a feather light kiss ....

 

\-----------------------------


	7. One kiss part 2

  
Author's notes: Still unbetad. Every mistake is mine. I am sorry for it!  


* * *

Jensen couldn’t wait for the next day.

Jared had brought him home the night before but made sure to stay out of sight for Jensens dad.

There was no more kiss.

No kiss goodbye.

It bothered Jensen. On the one hand, it showed that Jared didn’t want him only for a fast number.

On the other hand, he was a little disappointed.

It was only a kiss, and yet this kiss spun his whole world upside down.

That one kiss was enough to warm up Jensen's heart and let fly his thoughts.

 

All night he had been unable to sleep.

Jared appeared repeatedly in his mind.

As they stood facing each other, as the rain beat down on them.

 

Jensen had been awake and wondered.

Jared knew nothing about him.

And yet it felt as if they'd known each other forever.

 

No matter how much Jensen had tried to ignore his butterflies in his stomach, when it came to Jared it just wouldn’t work.

Jensen was pretty impressed and even relieved that Jared hadnt stopped talking to him the first time Jensen said *no*.

In addition, Jared just had that something, that charisma, that fire in his eyes, which Jensen simply couldnt resist.

 

That was really not what Jensen had planned.

None of what had happened.

 

That one kiss.

 

Jensen kept repeating it in his mind.

He could hear the rain, feel the wetness.

Jared's soft lips on his.

 

Even when he was alone, Jensen had goosebumps and a comforting feeling spread through his body.

 

He was totally confused. 

He had considered his life in a black and gray, now everything was flooded with bright colors, which conjured up a smile on his face .

 

Jensen was sure that he wanted to grab this opportunity.

He had to use it.

He wanted to escape his old life and finally be happy.

 

The last time he had felt such a passion was with Misha.

 

Misha. 

 

He needed him. 

He had to talk to him, he had to explain what had happened there.

 

He wanted to tell Misha about how he was caught in that one moment, his heart had triumphed over his mind and how much he hoped that he would not hate him for it.

 

Jensen stood in front of his mirror and got ready to go visit Misha.

Differently than usual, he had a smile on the lips today.

 

A week ago he would not have believed that just one kiss could change his life.

That he would fall for a person he hardly knew.

 

Jared's lips were the only thing Jensen was thinking about when he made his way ...

 

 

Jensen was lucky.

Neither his parents nor Josh had noticed him when he sneaked out of the house. 

Not that he would have to hide. 

He was allowed to leave the house during the day.

But it was the first time in a long time that he was happy and he did not want to destroy this feeling through some lies. 

 

He hated lying to his parents but what else could he do? They would never allow him to go and see Misha. Or Jared.

He still heard the voice of his father, expressly forbidden him to be in touch with Jared Padalecki.

 

After half an hour walk Jensen finally reached the secluded cemetery.

 

Past the old trees that stood in the lush green, past the decorated graves, he reached Misha's grave stone.

 

"Hello Pretty" Jensen said quietly and gently touched the grave stone that was Mishas.

"I hope it goes well, wherever you are."

 

Jensen did not know where to start.

 

"Misha, you know how much I loved you and I still do it. I miss you terribly. But Misha, there is someone, Jared, who is very nice to me. And I think I like him a lot. I just want you to know, no matter what happens, he will never be able to take your place. You have a special place in my heart that I will never give up. But I must seize this opportunity. "

 

Jensen knelt before the stone and touched it softly.

This was a gesture that he made every time.

This way he felt closer to Misha.

 

Jensen smiled.

 

"Maybe ... maybe I'll bring him with me some day, Misha. If all goes well. If he really is the person I hope he is I am sure u will like him."

 

Quietly Jensen said goodbye to his first love and went on his way to leave.

 

Once again, pictures appeared in his thoughts, which reminded him of the darkest days of his life so far. 

But it was as if a shield would be built around him.

The pain remained this time ....

 

 

Jensen did not know how long he had stood in front of the mirror and had simply stared at his reflection.

 

Was he really sure he should go to this party with Jared?

They were all strangers, loud people who would stare at him because they always did .

 

Jensen realized how bad it could be.

 

But on the other side ... he would never see Jared if he wouldn’t go.

And he could not disappoint him, after all he had promised to go with him.

And it was a small party, right?

He would probably survive ...

 

He nervously looked at his watch and noticed he was running late.

He looked at himself in the mirror again.

 

"You almost look good," he muttered to himself, and emphasized once again the slightly gelled hair. 

Then he grabbed his sweatshirt, which he pulled loosely over his white tanktop to hide his scars on his wrists and peered cautiously out of his room.

 

No sound was heard, everything seemed calm.

 

Jensen went on tiptoe through the hallway and felt very uncomfortable acting against the words of his father.

But he had promised Jared.

And he wanted to see him again.

Absolutely. 

 

Quietly he crept down the wide staircase, past the living room and the front door.

 

Just as he was pushing down the handle an icy grip on the shoulder hold him back.

 

"Where are you going?" A deep voice thundered behind him.

 

Jensen's body tensed. 

He turned and looked into the cold eyes of his father ....


End file.
